Baril de Singes [Barrel of Monkeys]

  ***

  RATHBONE: For the love of God, man, and all that is holy! Not the rook!

  (Actor moves upstage around the back of the chessboard. Turns stage left. Becomes Barrymore).

  BARRYMORE: Spare me your wistful diatribe. It is but mutton upon a trollop, a peanut in a pawn's hand. Soar, soar, soar, I say! As if an eagle christened Icarus or a crane known as Ichabod.

  (Actor moves upstage around the back of the chessboard. Turns stage right. Becomes Rathbone).

  RATHBONE: But I shan't! I shan't! Your actions are of one benighted, speaking as though spewing spitchcock through lips too wise to consume eel.

  (Actor moves upstage around the back of the chessboard. Turns stage left. Becomes Barrymore).

  BARRYMORE: That is wherest thou knowest all of me and knowest nottith of me! Sushi was not so named nor so popular during the time of Christ the King!

  (Actor moves upstage around the back of the chessboard. Turns stage right. Becomes Rathbone).

  RATHBONE: Thus so is this, friend. Our game. Your grand strategy. A savior standing tall on a cutting board amidst so much raw seafood. A king, indeed!

  (Actor moves upstage around the back of the chessboard. Turns stage left. Becomes Barrymore).

  BARRYMORE: Let it pass, then, from lips perceived unwise. King to rook's three!

  (Actor moves upstage around the back of the chessboard. Turns stage right. Becomes Rathbone. Faces audience. Spotlight trains on actor for solo).

  RATHBONE: T'is then it t'is. Check and mate. But for a kingdom, my horse!

  (Actor as Rathbone drops to knees, arms outstretched, pleading).

  I beseech thee! Live knowing thy fate lies within but a square of a checkered board!

  (Actor as Rathbone curls up in fetal position, shivering. Curtain drops).